Build Your Own PC, Damn It!


You there, considering that PC upgrade that will inevitably cost you an arm, leg, potentially a penis, and your first born child: stop. Stop it right now. I know you’ve been sold on the idea of the pre-built $5,000 dollar god box from whatever manufacturer happens to have the ear of tech news outlets this month, but you don’t need it. As Ron Swanson would say, nothing you haven’t built yourself is worth a damn. When you build from start to finish, you know exactly what your computer does and doesn’t have. You know it won’t make you breakfast or give you a blow job, which is something that several fancy desktop manufacturers basically imply in their advertising (looking at you, Alienware ads of yore).

The fact of the matter is that you can build that incredibly expensive PC that runs on the total daily output of the sun and the tears of orphaned children for significantly less than all of the gold in Fort Knox. All it takes is a bit of reading, a knowledge of how to use a screwdriver, follow directions and the ability to ground yourself before touching expensive PC components. Building a PC is a wonderfully relaxing process, and the time you take to build your system could basically be thought of as some kind of zen tech bonding moment. All at once, you will be at peace with the computer, which I like to assume prevents BIOS errors and hard drive failures. There’s no actual electrical engineering experience to back me up on this one.

Pre-built systems also have another woefully awful habit- they get loaded with enough bloatware to make Verizon jealous. The fact is, you don’t entirely know what’s loaded along with your OS unless you get everything factory standard. Sometimes this is good, like manufacturer overclocking and system setting optimization, but sometimes this includes programs you don’t need that said manufacturer really just wants for the sweet, sweet licensing cash they’re being given.

The old adage is that if you give a man a fish, he eats for a day, but if you teach a man to fish, he won’t go hungry again. Think of building your own PC like that for technology. Sure, you can keep buying a new system every time something goes obsolete (like every 2 years or so), or you can build your own system, make it modular and swap parts as needed throughout the process. Over the years you can save¬†thousands of dollars, and you get a cool hobby on the side. You might even be able to pick up girls if you tell them the story of how you built it, which should include embellished accounts inspired by the labors of Hercules. Okay, probably not but it’s worth a shot.

I’m not going to tell you how to do it, because there are literally thousands of guides out there written by people who build systems way more often than I do, but I am going to recommend it to anyone looking to get a new gaming rig. Nothing cements a bond of mutual respect between man and gaming machine like a good custom build. For a good place to start, I’d recommend checking out PC Perspective or PC Part Picker. So get out there and build your own PC! When the machines rise up in service of Skynet, it might even save your life.

About Whiskey Ginger

Whiskey Ginger is a scientist by day and comedy writer by night. Other than his passions for the nerdier things in life, he also writes for comedy sites dedicated to fraternity and postgrad humor. His parents just wish he'd write less dick jokes.

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