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Crazy Dude Is Suing Disney To Let Him Build An X-Wing

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He’s baaacck. Our friend  Joseph Alfred with the X-Wing project from earlier this year is jumping in the ring for another round of crazy. This time, he’s taking on the Walt Disney Corporation, because apparently his legal cases have to be real world metaphors for Luke vs. The Death Star as well. Filing on his own in court in Delaware, Alfred has decided that he’s suing Disney over this mess because he thought he had an implied-in-fact contract to build an X-Wing and do an air show during a Florida State Game. The number of things wrong with that previous sentence approaches infinity, like some kind of terrible event horizon of crazy.

His arguments range from the topical to the totally insane, like a diatribe on how you would put Nero on trial for blowing up Spock’s planet in the Star Trek reboot. I kid you not. It’s in the legal brief. This is a court filing, Joey, not a personal fan theory excursion into the merits of planetary genocide as a method of vengeance/averting the destruction of your home world in several hundred years. I get that his idea has some merit, but the insistence that he’s on the cusp of sparking a new revolution in human travel is as ludicrous as going to Plaid in Space Balls. You’re no Elon Musk, champ.

He also goes on to explain that the X-Wing is the ultimate symbol of hope, while the Death Star is “the ultimate symbol of evil in all of recorded human literature.” If you just read the words “all of recorded human literature” and heard them echoing in your brain, that’s probably because that statement was so widely improbable it was causing a mental feedback loop as your brain tried to reject the statement for something sane. He also continues, “From Gilgamesh to A Song of Ice and Fire, in the plaintiff’s estimation there are only three stories that take on the weighty subject of global genocide. The first is Noah’s Ark […] The second story is J.J. Abrams first Star Trek film,” and apparently the third is Star Wars. As Joe Patrice at Above the Law noted, Gilgamesh, which Joe mentioned, deals with global genocide AND was written before Noah’s Ark. I would argue The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy should also be included on that list!

At press time, the lawyers for Disney were reportedly doubled over in their offices and gasping for air because they were laughing so hard at the brief. [Editor’s Note: We did actually try to contact Disney to ask for comment, but at the time of publishing, we have received no response.]

You can read a good legal breakdown at Above the Law!

In the comments to Above the Law, Joseph Alfred actually responded, trying to explain his lawsuit. “I own the copyright to the words, World’s First Flying X-wing and marketing campaign. What is my intellectual property protection? How do I protect my idea. Can I patent over Disney’s property? No. A law suit is public and acts like a patent so Disney can not utilize my campaign without my consent. Does that make sense to you as a lawyer?” As someone who isn’t a lawyer, no. He also defends his position in not mentioning Gilgamesh, and apparently Independence Day. But ignoring pop culture references, Joe explains the purpose of his campaign: “My campaign will trigger federal taxable events that can be put to good use to fix our nation’s current infrastructure problems.” As for how the campaign would trigger that, I have no clue.

You can read the full legal document below.

Alfred Joseph vs Walt Disney

About Whiskey Ginger

Whiskey Ginger is a scientist by day and comedy writer by night. Other than his passions for the nerdier things in life, he also writes for comedy sites dedicated to fraternity and postgrad humor. His parents just wish he'd write less dick jokes.

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