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Five Types of Assholes in Gaming

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It’s common knowledge that anyone behind the safety net of a computer screen immediately becomes 9 times more ballsy.

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The comfort of knowing there isn’t someone standing behind you with a metal baseball bat with which to smite you for your opinions tends to fuel many, if not most, online interactions. Gaming communities are unfortunately infamous for their collection of jerks who are way too comfortable with being jerks – really, the only way to avoid them is to simply avoid playing games. There’s never a shortage of assholes in gaming, and just like in real life, you can’t really eradicate them, like those gnats that show up every summer for a prolonged social gathering of bug zapper immunity.

1. The Tech Support Non-Contributor

I used to frequent the tech support forum of a Skyrim website, helping out with issues that went from stopping the Dovahkin from swimming his way through Whiterun to mod setups gone wrong. Each time, without fail, you’d have one particular idiot come strolling in to leave a helpful comment:

“I don’t know what’s wrong with your game. (posts computer specs) Mine works just fine.”

I’m mostly referring to gaming, but this shows up in literally any tech support forum at some point. No. Stop. Sit down. You’re not helping, and you just wanted to wave your specs in our faces. The reason the person posted in tech support is because their copy’s not exactly working as intended. You’re basically running into a clinic full of sick people and shouting, “Hey! I’m healthy! Dunno what’s wrong with the rest of you fuckers, but I’m doing something right!”

2. The Newbie Hater

People tend to forget that they were once overly cautious, inexperienced wrecking balls when they first got behind the wheel.

After five years or so of driving, some people get it into their heads that they’re 100% hot shit and can fly into a frothing rage at anyone on the road who does something even remotely close to what they disapprove of. There’s a big difference between poking leisurely around a corner and slowing down to make a turn. Neither of them requires a violent assault on your horn and five minutes of hysterics.

These guys show up in every game, their focus constantly on anyone who might make the slightest mistake. If a hunter accidentally pulls in a dungeon, there’s an 80 percent chance he’ll get kicked regardless of the reason for the error. And God help you if your first League of Legends game goes wrong because you missed a crucial mechanic that could’ve turned the game around.

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“How dare you have trouble navigating the biggest skill tree in the world?!”

Instead of taking the time to explain concepts, these people won’t hesitate to bring down the wrath of the gods on the new guy, quite possibly scaring him away from the game forever.

3. The Antisocial Dick

One of the most baffling moments I had in World of Warcraft happened just a few months ago, over the summer, when I had nothing better to do and ran old instances for the luxury gear. Guy’s advertising an Icecrown Citadel run, and me and a friend jump in.

Now, we weren’t even halfway through when we noticed people in our 20-person group rapidly disappearing. Thinking nothing of this sudden mass exodus and assuming people just left after their sought-after piece dropped, we plowed on, eventually reaching and finishing a boss. Shortly after the boss’s defeat, I found myself back in Stormwind. Needless to say, I wasn’t happy.

After a somewhat heated yet surprisingly cordial 3am argument with the raid leader, I realized he only wanted the 20 people for a fast track to the boss and possibly loot monopolization. He also said he was kicking those who weren’t in the top three DPS, which is essentially like saying you’re a bad player for taking three hits to kill Alduin in Skyrim instead of one.

Sadly, the amount of these unapolagetic assholes increases by the day, leaving frustrated players and very long block lists in their wake.

4. The Unpaid, Shitty DJ

You know that guy who sits down in Starbucks with his guitar, winks at all the oblivious freshman girls, and starts playing his incredibly sensual cover of a bad love song hoping the lights will dim and everyone will turn and watch him in awe of his musical skill? Despite the fact that there’s music already playing over the speakers and other conversations going on?

Yeah, that guy moved on to games, but instead of singing, he’s blaring the worst kind of rap or dubstep through his speakers. Oh, did you want to actually talk to your guild members in Vent?

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“No, seriously, we REALLY love your Skrillex playlist! Play it 30 more times!”

This is why the mute button exists. When some dude’s decided everyone online needs to hear his Itunes library, he doesn’t care who’s listening – he’ll grab his dubstep playlist and subject everyone else to music they may or may not enjoy. It’s the equivalent to riding in a bus and turning on your music without headphones.

5. The Dictator

There’s no questioning, no reasoning, and no dissent. You either do what this guy says, or you’re gone.

Usually, you see these guys as guild leaders on power trips. They usually have a circle of officers they know in real life to reinforce their vision, attempting to manipulate and control 100 people at once in their pixelated totalitarian state. Fortunately, for those who haven’t exactly laid down roots in the guild yet, it’s easy enough to leave. It’s much harder for friends and friends of friends to uproot a foundation, kind of like having to choose whether or not to stay with a formerly close friend  who’s become toxic.

There’s a whole slew of psychological reasons why power hungry guild leaders still maintain a member base for a long time, but that doesn’t mean everyone’s going to put up with them. They often learn early on that trying to be a dictator on a video game is….well, actually pretty silly.

The best way to deal with these guys is to look at them, shrug, and hope reality eventually snuffs out the ego trip. It isn’t worth your time or your blood pressure.

 

About Deborah Crocker

Deborah is a 22 year old semi-hermit currently plodding through her senior year of college and getting her feet wet in game journalism. She has a somewhat unhealthy obsession with high fantasy, video games, novels, and Elder Scrolls. When she's not in front of a screen, she enjoys singing and a bit of beading. She's also currently on the hunt for the restaurant with the best cheeseburger.

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