The 22 Cheapest Deaths In Gaming


Death in a part of life, and also a part of video game lives. I mean, you can’t beat most of them without dying a few times, unless you’re on an iron-man play-through, you masochist. The key to death is dying gracefully, like a majestic swan that’s simultaneously trying to bag a “Best Large Waterfowl In A Leading Role” Oscar. Still, some deaths are going to grind your gears harder than a belt sander. Here are some of the cheapest deaths in gaming:

1) Misjudging that koopa stomp in any one of the Mario games. It’s not hard to kill a koopa, but you’ll convince yourself it was for your pride.

2) Falling to your doom from a comparatively low height. AKA “porcelain leg syndrome”.

3) Bleeding out, specifically in DayZ. There is nothing worse than watching yourself slip the surly bonds of life in slow motion while a zombie knaws on what it thinks is you three feet away.

4) Most of the ways you could die in Ocarina of Time. The Water Temple nearly caused me to break a TV back in the day.

Seriously. All the anger.

5) Getting hacked to pieces by a horrible undead monstrosity that you absolutely didn’t see in 90% of horror games. Freddy and Jason should be taking notes.

6) The entire Outlast death mechanic. It’s probably more pants-shittingly terrifying than annoying, but I’m going to lump it in here anyway.

7) Instant drowning. Are there no swimming lessons in some of these universes?

“Seriously, it’s not even up to your ears. Get out of the puddle.”

8) Anything with a long, unnecessary death animation. Yes, I’m aware I died. No, you didn’t need a five minute long FMV similar to the Dead Island trailer to get me to understand that.

9) Creeper explosions in hardcore Minecraft. It’s the best way to induce PTSD.

Last time one of the bastards blew up my entire workshop, so I built the next one out of obsidian.

10) The perma-HP drain brought about by vampires in A Valley Without Wind.

11) Wandering too far north in Fallout:New Vegas and getting murdered by all the Deathclaws.

12) Drinking the poison in your inventory instead of putting it on a weapon.

13) The poorly timed combo counter in any of the Batman games.

14) Difficult boss fight, unskippable video. I’m looking at you, Deus Ex: Human Revolution.

15) Drowning, but because you ran out of air. The lack of convenient air pockets is really out of control sometimes. It’s like they’re trying to kill you in cheap ways.

16) Multiplayer deaths in CoD. Nothing adds insult to injury like every guy on the opposing team claiming to have slept with your mom last night after a death.

17) A cheap permadeath. Permadeath games are fun and add a sense of finality that can make things very tense, but nothing is worse than permadeath because you walked off a ledge or got eaten by a low-level mob after an epic fight.

18) Those deaths where you thought you had a hold on the ledge, and you didn’t. See Assassin’s Creed’s jumping puzzles.

Later: rinse and repeat.

19) When you step out of cover instead of peeking over it. It’s like an invitation for all the bullets in a 4 mile radius.

20) Getting run over by the cops in GTA. I’m pretty sure that’s against department policy, assholes.

21) The “lag threw me off right before a team fight” death in LoL. Not the fake one because someone sucks, but the actual one because Riot’s servers are sometimes wildly inconsistent.

22) Invisible walls. It’s not that you can’t go in that direction, you just really don’t want to. Even if you do. The force field/giant gorge/menacing virus will destroy you.

About Whiskey Ginger

Whiskey Ginger is a scientist by day and comedy writer by night. Other than his passions for the nerdier things in life, he also writes for comedy sites dedicated to fraternity and postgrad humor. His parents just wish he'd write less dick jokes.

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