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The 27 Worst Things About Modern Gaming

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Everyone tends to look at today at a new golden age in gaming, which is a good way to think about our current generation when you really consider what we have going for us: a giant indie market, good franchises with fun titles to play, streaming, competitive gaming- the list is quite long. However, modern gaming is not without its problems. There are some issues today that make limited lives and no save function of eras past downright pleasant examples of game design in comparison. Here are 26 of the worst things about modern gaming!

 

1) The new and improved checkpoint save system. Sure, save-scumming is cheap, but come on. Why is there never one right before the boss?

2) Boss battles in stealth games. Stop it. Stop it right now.

3) “Optional” DLC. AKA: shit that should have been in the game originally but the company feels like milking the consumer like a prized dairy cow.

4) Mature titles being toned down to achieve a Teen rating for a wider audience. If the game demands mature content, give us the M rating.

You were supposed to make gaming better!

5) Kickstarter. The double-edged sword of modern game design and distribution. I equally love it and hate it for what it has achieved.

6) Publisher monopolies. EA and Ubisoft basically own the 3rd party world right now and that is not a good thing for the industry.

7) “Let’s Play” segments done by people that just get frustrated and complain the whole time. Fair if the game is bad, not if you’re bad at the game.

8) Sloppy PC ports. Dark Souls is the legendary example. Seriously? Not even a screen prompt remap for the right keys? Lazy game design.

9) Juvenile game writing. We’re capable of handling narratives with some depth, after all.

10) Escort missions. They haven’t gotten better with time, either.

ANOTHER game about zombies!?!?

11) Zombies. Hate me if you will, but even I, as a zombie fan, am getting tired of the shambling damned turning up behind every trash can and street lamp.

12) Mandatory online connections. Every game should have an offline mode, because sometimes you don’t have a consistent internet connection.

13) The price of a console game. PC gaming is (relatively) affordable, but I can’t drop 60 dollars on every new console game I want. In the battle of my gaming vs. my bar tab, my bar tab wins.

14) The lack of good flight simulators. The 90s had tons of these, and they seem to have died off over the years.

Walking into a match full of trolls.

15) Trolls in multiplayer gaming. From LoL to WoW, these guys and girls are the dregs of the internet, making everything suck for everyone else. Fuck you, trolls.

16) Microtransactions: they add very little and often take away a lot from gameplay. No one should be able to pay to win.

17) The lack of female lead characters. It’s 2014. Beyond Good and Evil came out almost 10 years ago now. Can we get another game or game series with a compelling lead heroine please?

18) The Diablo 3 auction house. It’s dead now, but egregious enough that it deserves its own mention here. Blizzard should be ashamed of that abomination of a game design decision. My witch doctor lost his loincloth and everything else he owned trying to play that thing like the stock market.

19) Yearly game franchises. When a game series is put on a rotating release schedule under a huge deadline crunch, something will have to give. Modern Warfare 3 is probably the best example of quantity at the expense of quality.

What most people seem to think of modern games journalism.

20) The lack of high-profile independent games press. The 90s and 2000s had a large and diverse editorial and review community in the form of magazines. Today we have sites like Metacritic, but individual reviews are often all over the place and sometimes intentionally damaging in the case of coordinated review bombs. It’s hard to get a good, unbiased opinion on a game today.

21) True horror. We haven’t seen games that can truly make a grown man cry in the quantity that we used to. If I am not curled up in the bathroom taking a hot shower and crying by the end of a horror game, it has failed in its duty.

22) Parents complaining that their five-year-old shouldn’t be playing Grand Theft Auto 5 after buying the game for them. If the game is named after a felony, little Timmy probably shouldn’t be playing it!

23) Poorly implemented peripherals that are required to actually play the game. We’re looking at you, original Kinect.

24) Faux controversies over game design choices. It’s great to disagree, it’s pretty silly to turn it into a three week kerfuffle and witch hunt for something that ultimately could have been a story decision. That said, designers need marketing teams that avoid causing them in the first place.

25) Extra clients that need to be installed separately from the game. In the year 2014, why are we still having to manually download Punkbuster updates from their relic-of-the-90’s website?

26) Generally easy games: give us a good range of difficulties. If I can breeze through your game in six hours on “Epic Legendary Hardcore Iron Man Mode”, it’s too easy and too short.

27) “Free”-mium games. If I have to pay money to have fun, then it’s not free, damn it!

About Whiskey Ginger

Whiskey Ginger is a scientist by day and comedy writer by night. Other than his passions for the nerdier things in life, he also writes for comedy sites dedicated to fraternity and postgrad humor. His parents just wish he'd write less dick jokes.

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