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Top Five Doomed Video Game Romances!

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We interrupt today’s regularly scheduled feature to bring you this great feature: A list of the top five doomed romances in video game history! That’s right, It’s Valentine’s Day and everyone is talking about love, but what about those romances that were just fated to never really happen? Here’s our list:

doomed romances5. Booster and Princess Peach

Perhaps in all of Super Mario canon, there was never quite one so doomed as Booster’s. Sure, Bowser is always kidnapping the princess and keeping her out of reach from Mario, but there have only been undertones of Bowser ever wanting to marry her. Booster, on the other hand, kidnaps the princess and brings her to the chapel at Marrymore with full intent to marry her. It also brings up the good question of how one eats cake. Do you boil it? Poor Booster’s affections are so impossible that he isn’t even seen in any sequels. On some level you have to feel bad for the insane guy. (Photo: Courtesy peachfruit.com)

doomed romances 24. Sonic and Amy

This one might be a stretch for a some of you, but hear me out: Amy is really really annoying. It’s even recognized in Sonic Adventure. Sonic is about two seconds away from running away from her! Her voice is like nails against a chalk board. It also may be that I am showing my age, but it is my firm belief that Amy could never compete with Sally Acorn. Honestly, Amy’s constant and unrequited devotions to Sonic seem more annoying and foreboding of true evils should our blue hedgehog ever get together with her. (Photo: Courtesy Deviant Art user RollChan)

doomed romances 33. Link and any girl who isn’t Princess Zelda

You want to talk a real heartbreaker? Link is the worst of them all! Look at The Ocarina of Time, for example. He had girls practically throwing themselves at him. Remember Princess Ruto? How about Saria? Malon? All of these girls were pretty much in love with our hero and showed their affections in varius ways. Ruto was all over him, Saria pretty much gave him a way so he would talk to her anywhere, and Malon gave him a freaking horse! Sure, it could be argued that they weren’t after him like that (except for Princess Ruto, of course) but When Harry Met Sally rules apply. I can’t blame Link, though. Zelda was also a ninja. A ninja princess. How badass is that? (Photo: Courtesy Flickr user carianoff)

doomed romances 42. Max and Mona

Want to talk a pretty tragic doomed romance? Look no further than the Max Payne series! That’s right, the femme fatale from the original game survived up until the end of Max Payne 2. We knew she was supposed to kill him in the first game but couldn’t, then she comes back in its inevitable sequel, and sure enough she is supposed to kill him but can’t. Again. She apparently loves him too much to kill him, but not enough to refrain from taking the contracts out on his life. You want a pretty fated bit of doom? Yeah, how about where she dies in his arms? (Photo courtesy Meta Game)

doomed romances 51. Aeris and Cloud

Is there anything more definitive than a huge-ass sword through the chest? In one of the most memorable moments from one of the most memorable RPGs out there, we realize that Cloud’s love for Aeris never stood a chance. Why? “Sephiroth’s a dick” seems to be about the most accurate answer. Honestly, where the hell did he come from? He just came out of nowhere, stabbed her with his katana that I swear is bigger than he is (that isn’t an innuendo!), then just flies away like “Peace out, suckers!” Honestly… who does that? Of course, this gives Tifa some faint hope that she has a chance with him, but he ends up spending pretty much an entire movie pining for Aeris anyway. You almost expect Cloud to dye his hair black and start listening to Dashboard Confessional while blogging about the whole thing on Deadjournal. “Dear die-ary… Still so pissed at Sephiroth. He always messes everything up. And Cid? He doesn’t understand. He can get any girl with a cool ride like he has.” (Photo: courtesy Flickr user agius)

About Stephen Crane

Stephen was hooked by the NES at a very young age and never looked back. He games on a daily basis and is currently trying to climb his way up the ranked ladder on League of Legends! Outside of the video game world he actually likes running and owns a rapidly growing collection of toed shoes. Stephen Crane is the owner of Armed Gamer.

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